Remember. Remember the countless memories you shared. The magic of her smile,the cadence of her laughter. Of how she could thrill you, body and soul. How she filled the empty space in you,which you now fill with alcohol.
Remember the way her face would light up whenever she looked at you. A dazzling,disarming beauty that would put the sun to shame.
Remember heavy-lidded eyes, flushed cheeks, tangled locks of hair as her lips curved in a groggy smile,her first smile of the day as she woke up by your side. Stray beams of light dappling her form, making you catch your breath as you realise afresh how exquisitely beautiful she is,with no makeup or fancy clothes on. Remember the moonbeams weaving themselves in her hair, starlight sparkling in her eyes.
Remember holding her close as she buried her head in your chest,feeling your hearts beat in the same tune. How you had vowed to keep her safe,always, how you would keep her from harm. Forever. Except that your ideas of forever did not match.
Remember her every time you look up at the sky and see a shooting star;remember wishing upon one together,hands intertwined, stealing glances at her,all scrunched eyes and softly moving lips. Remember her when you hear her favourite song, how she can no longer bear to hear it anymore.
Remember the disbelieving,desolate look on her face as you took her heart and crumbled it to dust. The tears tangled in her lashes ,sparkling like diamonds. The broken sobs. Remember the way the light in her eyes shattered and disappeared. The irony as you,who had sworn to keep her safe and happy, were the reason she cried herself to sleep. The harbinger of love and happiness, now the instrument of her heartbreak.
Remember how you found the best thing that could ever happen to you, and threw it away in pursuit of something so fleeting that it was gone in the blink of an eye. Remember how you let her go, for something that would never complement and complete you the way she did. Remember the look in her eyes as she turned to look at you,for one last time. Remember the night you saw and discovered what grief looked like.
Remember,as you watch her getting on in life,without you, as you struggle to recover from your own folly. As you flounder,wondering how you will ever recover from your act of self-destruction. Without her. Watch her, and know that you are the reason she never quite had faith in love again,the reason that something that cracked inside of her that night never quite healed again.
And feel the waves of regret wash over you yet again, but there’s nothing you can do.