I don’t believe in ghosts.
What I do believe in is people leaving behind bits of themselves wherever they go. Bits that build up slowly,surely, bits that gather like dust creeping softly on windowpanes. And they accumulate as time ticks on by,bits of a person’s soul lingering in the things they love best, till one cannot be seen without thinking of the other. Footprints being left behind on the sands of our lives and hearts.
More often than not, we take this for granted. We see this process, but don’t notice it,per se. We don’t consciously realise it’s happening.
Until the person leaves, and suddenly, they are everywhere. In their inhaler lying on the table and the coffee stains on their embroidered tablecloth and their usual spot and their shirts lying ironed, untouched on the bed. In the echoing emptiness of their favourite room and the creases of their blanket and their spectacles lying in their usual place. We don’t realise how much a person defines certain things, and how much they are reflected in those very things. And when we finally do, it’s only because of the awful wrongness of everything, as the balance of our universe is kicked out of place. Because you may say things are just things, but when you associate something with someone, it’s hard to separate the two again.
I believe in the essence that lingers long after a person leaves; in the memories of the people he leaves behind. In the countless little reminders they leave in infinitesimal, insignificant things that you would never have noticed otherwise. In remembered conversations that seemed so inconsequential at the time, but now you would bleed to relive them,just once more.
I believe in living hearts clinging desperately onto ones that stopped beating a long time ago.
I believe in humans holding on to phantoms of hope that the separation that ripped their heart apart was only temporary, that it was all just some horrible, twisted dream; when deep down, they knew that it really, truly wasn’t.
I believe in people finding ways to cope with loss and pain, and trying to find something that somehow, miraculously,dulls the ache. And we build up ideas and thought processes that make the loss hurt a little less. And i guess, in the end, that is all the construct of the afterlife and the idea of souls leaving fragile bodies to find eternal bliss boil down to; they are what help humans cope with the agony of losing a loved one. And if they give pained hearts some peace and relief, so be it.
Because, in the end, I also believe in the resilience of human hearts.
In loving memory of both the best, most beautiful grandfathers and men to have lived. We’ll always miss and love you.