What does your mind do when it has nothing to do?
Does it run in little circles like mine, hopping from one topic to the next in the most bizarre fashion?
I sit sometimes and wonder at how alone we are. We have friends and family but essentially all we have pulling us along is this flimsy body powered by an erratic soul.
It’s a stark feeling, this loneliness. It taps into our darkest fears. Or at least, mine.
It’s a defence mechanism.
It’s a fear of rejection.
I’ve found that whenever I’ve given, I’ve got none. Whenever I’ve loved, I’ve fallen. Whenever I’ve cracked the tough outer shell, I’ve regretted it instantly.
Ours is a generation which cannot love. Where you cannot be soft. There’s no place for sensitivity. You’ll be eaten alive.
You have to seal yourself in a veneer of detachment. Because attachment is a weakness. Bare your soul and you’re a sucker.
So you go through the motions of everyday life, and no one really knows the real you. They know the vision you present, that carefully crafted veneer.
I want to know people. What they really think, what circles their minds run in when left alone.
Oh, but that fear of rejection.
And so we plod on. Unloved, except by those who have to love us anyway.
Lonely machines fuelled by nothing but the desire to be loved.