Breathe

One,two,three

Breathe.

Sit on the floor and think

Weave me a cocoon of lies

Twist my sleep by its neck.

Papercuts ,flinches

Back on the floor

Breathe.

Lie to me some more

Till the truth is inside out

Back to front.

Steel your heart

Drag my manacled wrists back.

More lies

Piling up,smothering me

Fighting through legs and arms

So tangled I am lost again.

Breathe.

Cardboard sign from my neck

Use me

Extract, discard,repeat.

Gashes,stabs

Plug in the dam with pebbles.

Back on the floor

Stare at the ceiling

Look at the cobwebs and feel like the fly.

Breathe.

-Nayantara

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It’s not you, it’s me

Once upon a time

A girl

Took your heart

Made it bloom

With the spring

Of a thousand

Fragrant flowers

Then she left

Leaving behind

A winter wasteland

Blizzards blowing away

Frozen petals

And happiness

 

A different girl

Came along

Trying to thaw

Your cage of ice

Words and poetry

Phone calls and letters

Slowly melting

An unwilling heart

Stubborn still

Not giving in

 

For the past

Never really leaves

Hiding in the shadows

Waiting for the dark

To creep up

Behind you

Curling its fingers

Round your heart

 

It’s in me

My fear

Of you leaving

My unwillingness

To let go

My stubborn will

Wanting to fight

For you

The way he wouldn’t

For me

It’s in you

Scrolling through

Old pictures

In the wee hours

Her face smiling

Frozen in a

Different time

While I lie

In the sheets

Beside you

It’s in uneven breaths

And clenched fists

On a quiet evening

As I lay

On your shoulder

Drawing patterns

On denim clad thighs

 

It’s in me

Caring too much

Fighting too hard

Holding too tight

Breaking myself

To be enough

It’s in you

Not caring enough

Pulling away

Holding me

At arm’s length

Safely distant

 

The universe turns

On balance

Equal or otherwise

Relationships are often

Skewed when

It comes to

Who cares more

Leaving the one

Who will hurt

Weaker, begging

While the other

Can pull away

Unscathed, unscarred

 

Isn’t it obvious then

My love

As the noose

Of caring

Tightens around

My throat

With whom

The power lies

Against whom

The balance

Of attachment tilts

My tears circling

Down the drain

While you stay

Aloof, away

Already walking

Far, far away.

 

-Gautami

Fly.

Fly away,

Little birdie

Before they find you

In your cosy

Little hiding place

Your pretty

Little sanctuary

And desecrate

The peace of

Your cocoon

 

Fly away

Before they clip

Those snow white

Wings, staining

Ivory with

The scarlet

Of pain

Of forced restraint

Of the fetters

Sinking through

A fluttering heart

Pinning a restless soul

To home and hearth

To where they want

You to be

 

Fly away

Before they cage

Your spirit

Before they bind

Your wayward will

To shrink

To fit

The box they make

 

You are bigger

Than the confines

Of the boxes

They put you in

You are stronger

Than their wires

Caging you in

You are more resilient

Than the walls

They will build

Around you

Your song is louder

Than the gags

They will force

Upon your voice

 

Do not buckle

Do not stop

Keep flying

Keep soaring

Far above their

Fingers can reach

Watch the world

Unfurl under the

Flap of your wings

As you go higher

Roads will become

Winding strings

Of grey

Lights will glitter

Like stars on earth

 

The world is in

The cradle of

Your hand

Your destiny is

Not writ in the

Lines streaking

Across your palm

It is in your

Insatiable imagination

Hungry heartbeats

Flying feet

Wild will

And singing spirit

In the stardust

Swirling in your veins,

Buried deep inside

Your very bones.

 

-Gautami.