It’s not you, it’s me

Once upon a time

A girl

Took your heart

Made it bloom

With the spring

Of a thousand

Fragrant flowers

Then she left

Leaving behind

A winter wasteland

Blizzards blowing away

Frozen petals

And happiness

 

A different girl

Came along

Trying to thaw

Your cage of ice

Words and poetry

Phone calls and letters

Slowly melting

An unwilling heart

Stubborn still

Not giving in

 

For the past

Never really leaves

Hiding in the shadows

Waiting for the dark

To creep up

Behind you

Curling its fingers

Round your heart

 

It’s in me

My fear

Of you leaving

My unwillingness

To let go

My stubborn will

Wanting to fight

For you

The way he wouldn’t

For me

It’s in you

Scrolling through

Old pictures

In the wee hours

Her face smiling

Frozen in a

Different time

While I lie

In the sheets

Beside you

It’s in uneven breaths

And clenched fists

On a quiet evening

As I lay

On your shoulder

Drawing patterns

On denim clad thighs

 

It’s in me

Caring too much

Fighting too hard

Holding too tight

Breaking myself

To be enough

It’s in you

Not caring enough

Pulling away

Holding me

At arm’s length

Safely distant

 

The universe turns

On balance

Equal or otherwise

Relationships are often

Skewed when

It comes to

Who cares more

Leaving the one

Who will hurt

Weaker, begging

While the other

Can pull away

Unscathed, unscarred

 

Isn’t it obvious then

My love

As the noose

Of caring

Tightens around

My throat

With whom

The power lies

Against whom

The balance

Of attachment tilts

My tears circling

Down the drain

While you stay

Aloof, away

Already walking

Far, far away.

 

-Gautami

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